Let’s Talk About It: Sexual Wellness During Perimenopause and Menopause

If you’re in perimenopause or menopause, chances are your body is throwing you curveballs. Hot flashes, sleep issues, mood swings—it’s a lot. But one topic that often gets left out of the conversation (or whispered about) is sexual wellness. And it’s time we brought it into the light.

Because yes, it still matters. In fact, it might matter even more now.

Why Sexual Wellness Still Deserves Your Attention

Sexual wellness isn’t just about sex. It’s about how you feel in your body, how connected you are to yourself and, if you have a partner, how connected you are to them. Hormonal changes during this phase of life can cause vaginal dryness, lower libido, and discomfort during sex. That’s frustrating enough, but it often happens right when you’re juggling a million other things.

Still, staying connected to your sexual self has real benefits. Regular sexual activity, whether solo or with a partner, can:

• Keep vaginal tissue healthy and more comfortable
• Help maintain pelvic floor tone
• Boost mood and reduce stress
• Improve sleep
• Support confidence, body image, and mental well-being

So if things feel different or more challenging now, that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means your body is shifting and you can shift with it.

Let’s Normalize Vibrators

Vibrators and other sexual wellness tools are not something to feel embarrassed about. They’re just that: tools. And for many women, they’re incredibly helpful.

As estrogen decreases, it can take longer to get aroused, longer to orgasm, and sensations might feel less intense. Vibrators can help by increasing blood flow, offering consistent stimulation, and helping your body remember how to feel good. They’re not about replacing intimacy; they’re about supporting your pleasure and health.

Choosing a Vibrator: What to Look For

There’s no one-size-fits-all. The best device is the one that works for you. Here are a few things to think about:

1. What kind of stimulation do you enjoy?

• Clitoral: Many women in menopause find clitoral vibrators most effective.
• Internal: G-spot or vaginal devices might work well if internal stimulation is still enjoyable.
• Dual-action: These stimulate both internally and externally and can help bring things together.

2. Size and shape
If you’re dealing with dryness or sensitivity, a smaller or softer design might feel more comfortable. Don’t be afraid to start small and work your way up.

3. Vibration levels
You may want something gentle or something with a bit more power. A device with multiple settings lets you adjust based on what feels best that day.

4. Material matters
Stick with body-safe, non-porous materials like medical-grade silicone. Avoid anything that smells like plastic or has questionable ingredients.

5. Ease of use
If you have any hand pain or mobility issues, look for devices that are easy to hold and simple to operate.

6. Privacy and portability
If you live with others or travel often, quiet or discreet devices are widely available, and many don’t look like “traditional” vibrators at all.

Don’t Forget the Lube

Lubrication is your friend. Vaginal dryness is completely normal in this phase of life, and lube can make everything more comfortable and pleasurable. Water-based or silicone-based lubes are both great options—just find one that feels good for you.

Give Yourself Permission

There’s no right or wrong way to experience sexual wellness during menopause. Some women feel a renewed interest in sex. Others shift their focus toward touch, intimacy, or solo pleasure. You’re allowed to explore what works for you now—not what worked ten years ago.

Using a vibrator doesn’t mean anything is wrong. It means you’re listening to your body, staying open to pleasure, and choosing to care for yourself in a meaningful way.

That’s not indulgent. It’s empowered.

You deserve pleasure. You deserve connection. And you deserve to feel at home in your body at every age.

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And if you’re interested, here are a few affiliate links to start with (not all of these are waterproof):

For new exploration:

We Vibe Touch X: https://amzn.to/44i7CVW

Eroscillator 2 Plus: https://amzn.to/3SRAw8T

Lelo Mia 3: https://amzn.to/4dDflB8

Dame Zee: https://amzn.to/4kChKOD

Magic Wand Mini: https://amzn.to/4jSd06W

Womanizer Premium Echo: https://amzn.to/4jV8558

Tabu Nuri (a company created for women over 40): https://www.heytabu.com/collections/shop-all/products/nuri-massager

For more experienced exploration:

Blush Limited Addiction (this one is powerful): https://amzn.to/3SkX81o

And then based on a recommendation from my gynecologist years ago, I also recommend coconut oil. It is lubricating, has a higher viscosity than most lubricants, none of the chemicals that are in some lubes, and has healing properties for any minor abrasions. I like this one because the tube is less messy than a jar: https://amzn.to/44RC61Q.