“Do you think the school will have a graduation for the seniors?”
“I can’t wait for summer and surfing and just being with my friends. Do you think the beaches will be open by then?”
“When do you think we’ll be able to stop doing social distancing?”
“What if the governor sticks with the May 4th deadline of lifting the rule?”
These are questions from just the past 48 hours from one of my teenagers. At 17, with a boyfriend, and as an extreme extrovert, she wants answers regarding when life will be “normal” again.
She doesn’t like feeling isolated, doesn’t like being restricted, and doesn’t like not knowing. And she’s not the only one. Friends, family members, and patients are asking similar questions, often reflecting on their inner world and wondering if something’s missing from their current experience.
Some are spending hours daily scouring websites and news sources for information, trying to get answers to their timeline questions. Essentially, they are trying to predict an unpredictable situation, one that our world’s best scientists are having a hard time predicting.
Much like my teen, many people are playing the “what if” game, trying to come up with answers that are not available, and seeking self-awareness through personal experience, while trying to be clear about their feelings.
The reason why they do this is understandable. Uncertainty is not a comfortable place for most humans. From an evolutionary perspective, uncertainty from the earliest times of man equaled danger.
When there is uncertainty, our brains respond with anxiety or hypervigilance to try to determine the danger and establish a safe protocol. We search for answers and patterns in an attempt to establish timelines, but it also helps to stay in the present moment, practice self-care, and recognize when a thought or feeling finally makes sense.
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But when this is impossible, these dysfunctional responses worsen. Anxiety and hypervigilant behaviors grow, possibly overwhelming a person’s daily functioning, impacting sleep, and manifesting as physical symptoms. Instead of protecting us, our behaviors are now hurting us.
The solution may not be easy for some, and it requires breaking habits that may very well be ingrained from our primitive beginnings. The solution is to live in the moment, with the current information. The challenge becomes harder when many of the questions don’t have answers, like my conversation with my daughter:
“Do you think the school will have a graduation for the seniors?” I don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll do whatever they can for the seniors.
“I can’t wait for summer and surfing and just being with my friends. Do you think the beaches will be open by then?” I don’t know, hon. We’ll keep following the guidelines to stay safe.
“When do you think we’ll be able to stop doing social distancing?” I don’t know that, but I do know that social distancing is keeping us safe.
“What if the governor sticks with the May 4th deadline of lifting the rule?” Why don’t we focus on today and this week, since those are what we know?
You can imagine how these responses were received by my daughter. She wanted definite and concrete answers about life returning to “normal”, and I couldn’t give her these.
No amount of research, or charting, or scheduling provides the answers. Working to bring my daughter back into the moment was what I could control and could offer.
“What ideas do you have of what the school can do for the seniors?”
“Have you looked at any videos on surfing to get better at your skills, or have you thought about preparing your board so it’s ready to use?”
“What are some things you can do with your friends now with the social distancing?”
“What things are on your list to do while we are still staying safe at home?”
Keeping ourselves and our loved ones grounded in the moment, focused on current, factual information, and maintaining control over things that are actually within our control are all important steps to maintain mental health during times of crisis and uncertainty.
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Turning Inward Through Simple Practices
One of the most effective ways to handle uncertainty is by slowing down and learning to relate to ourselves with kindness and compassion. Too often, we’re quick to talk about what’s wrong in the world but rarely pause to notice how it feels within our own bodies.
Sometimes, the practice is as simple as taking a deep breath and creating space to check inside. When we do this, we begin to uncover the quiet wisdom that often gets buried under stress and distraction. That wisdom guides us to act meaningfully, even in small ways, instead of reacting on impulse.
Over time, these practices help us develop a steadier sense of presence. We stop looking for control in situations we can’t change and instead discover grounding in the here and now.
The journey inward isn’t about avoiding the world; it’s about finding balance so that what we bring to it is intentional, compassionate, and real.
Balancing the Inner Journey and the Outside World
When life feels uncertain, it’s easy to focus only on the outside world and the external changes happening around us. News, social media, and even conversations with friends often pull our attention outward, making it harder to slow down and notice what’s going on inside. That’s where the inner journey begins.
Taking time for inner work helps us become more aware of how we really feel, rather than getting lost in what society expects or what the headlines are telling us. When we pause and realize that emotions—like frustration, fear, or even hope — we start to better understand our beliefs and how they shape our reality.
It’s not always easy. Many of us face a struggle on a daily basis to balance what’s happening in the outer world with what’s happening within ourselves.
But there’s real power in noticing these patterns. When we can acknowledge both the chaos of the outside world and the calm that comes from turning inward, we begin to feel comfortable with uncertainty.
This practice doesn’t make problems disappear, but it gives us the knowledge and strength to handle them more effectively. Instead of reacting to every change, we can respond with clarity and purpose. We stop chasing answers that may not exist and instead focus on building resilience in the present moment.
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By walking both paths—the inner journey and the awareness of the outer world, we learn that peace doesn’t come from predicting the future. It stems from knowing ourselves, understanding our emotions, and choosing how we respond to the challenges life presents.
This requires a consistent practice of retraining our brains and the brains around us to stop the “what ifs,” reduce future thinking, and replace those with alternative thoughts that meet the three criteria above.
By doing so, we let go of the thoughts of what life “should” or “would” be like, and learn to be comfortable, or maybe even enjoy, the life we are currently in.
