Joy. Lately, I’ve heard from many patients, friends, and family that it is getting harder to “find joy”. Students feel trapped in an endless timeline of Zoom classes.
Families are getting on each other’s nerves. Parents multitasking their roles as employees and home school teachers. Individuals feel isolated. How do you “find joy” when there seems to be so much creating fear, sadness, and anxiety?
Seeing Joy
The problem isn’t about finding joy; it is about seeing joy. Crises can train our brains to focus only on those things related to the crises. This happens for two reasons.
The first is priming. When we tell ourselves that “everything is horrible”, our brains hear us and then focus on stories or experiences that support this belief. We told our brains what to look for, and our brains simply complied.
The second challenge to seeing joy is confirmation bias. Our brains hold on to information and data that support our beliefs.
If we tell our brains “this is so hard”, our brains will search for information to align with the belief (priming), and then our brains will hold tightly to that information, prohibiting contrary information from being retained in our consciousness. In essence, when we tell our brains there isn’t anything to be joyful about, our brains prove us right!
Related article: Creating an internal world of “here” and “now”
Retrain Your Brain To See Joy
I’m hoping you are now thinking, “I don’t want that! But how can I retrain my brain to see joy?” One effective strategy is to write a joy list before bed every night.
Keep a pad of paper or journal next to your bed and write down at least three things from the day that brought you happiness, made you smile, or created a sense of calm.
These are likely not big events like winning the lottery or getting engaged (although if either of those occurs, congratulations!).
Instead, seeing joy is about the small, brief moments occurring every day in your life: a bird taking a bath in a puddle (a personal favorite of mine), a stranger smiling at you, how warm your home feels after being outside on a New England winter day, your pet lying at your feet.
You don’t have to limit yourself to three things, but by challenging yourself at the beginning of this practice to find at least three things, you push your brain past the belief that there’s “nothing joyful”.
You retrain your brain to search for the joy all day long because you tell it to, knowing you’ll be writing them down at night.
And, because these are the last things you think about before sleep, your brain will play with these thoughts all night long, potentially resulting in a better night’s sleep and you waking up feeling calmer or less anxious.
Related article: Celebrating an empty nest
Steps To See Joy Again
Step 1: Tell your brain to search for the little joys during your day.
Step 2: Pay attention to the moments and things that make you smile or feel happy, even if it is for a brief second.
Step 3: Make the time to recall these moments before bed and write them down.
If you do this every night, within a short period of time, your brain will start to accept the idea that life is good and joyful. It will become your go-to style of thinking because you told your brain to.
And if you want to stimulate this practice, give yourself the gift of listening to the podcast posted on the Blog page, or search for “The Show of Delights” in This American Life…it will make you smile at least once (but likely more) during the hour and might just make it on to your joy list tonight.
Living in the Present Moment and Finding More Joy
When life feels heavy with stress, it becomes easy to overlook the present moment. Yet, choosing to slow down and notice little moments can help you feel joy even in difficult times.
Research shows that people who pause to recognize positive emotions experience greater happiness over time. Joy creates space for well-being and allows us to feel joyful despite other emotions that may compete for our attention.
Related article: Using Our Brains for Women’s Equity
By intentionally practicing gratitude, you’ll begin to realize that joy isn’t only in milestones but in small examples of everyday life that feel good and wonderful. You can experience joy in so many circumstances and ways.
The Power of Relationships, Gratitude, and People’s Happiness
True joy often comes when we shift our focus toward other people’s happiness. Supporting someone else or celebrating other people’s happiness strengthens relationships and adds more positive experiences to daily life.
Even a child’s laughter, a person sharing excitement, or a good conversation can spark emotions that uplift both sides.
Negativity bias might push us to notice pain, stress, or other emotions first, but choosing gratitude transforms reality and helps us explore how success is often measured in love, connection, and well-being—not just money or desire. These simple shifts lead to greater happiness for ourselves and others.
Related article: Cognitive Behavioral Strategies to Manage Change and Transition
Creating Positive Experiences in Everyday Life
Joy is not about avoiding pain or ignoring stress—it’s about balancing them with positive experiences. Eating with friends, sharing pleasure in conversation, or simply being grateful for health are all wonderful ways to cultivate joy.
Joy creates momentum: when we feel joyful, we want to spread it, and this ripple effect benefits both ourselves and someone else. A free guide to living with more gratitude might remind us that joy comes from little moments that we often overlook.
When we recognize good things in the world, nurture our emotions, and stay grounded in relationships, we begin to explore a life filled with excitement, success, and greater well-being.
There are many categories of joy to notice each day, and when we choose to honor them, our hearts become lighter and more open. In the end, cultivating hope is deeply connected to the practice of seeing joy.
